Expectations of Self vs. Others

The human condition is a fascinating thing. How we allow emotions to drive us, consciously or subconsciously. How one small single happening in the day can cause an individual to suddenly react in a way outside of their normal character. Or how we can place an unrealistic level of expectation on ourselves that we would never expect another person to live up to.

It is this area that I've been musing on for a while now and I am indeed fascinated.

In looking into past research and studies, I've been unable to find much on the subject of self expectation as it applies to the comparison of our expectation of others. And yet, for every person I've spoken to on this subject, every one of them agreed that they have expectations for themselves that are nowhere near the level of expectation they have on others. We KNOWINGLY place unrealistic expectations on ourselves, thus placing an inordinate level of pressure, stress, doubt and ultimately set ourselves up for failure time and time again.

So...the simple yet not so simple question. If we KNOW we are placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves...then WHY DO WE DO IT???

I will leave you to ponder this and to this end, am asking you to comment here on your thoughts, opinions and ideas around this question. Look forward to hearing more on this as I begin to conduct my own research around this topic and let's see what we are able to take away from it.

As you consider this question, what can you put in place in your own life that would allow you to put more realistic expectations on yourself today?

Tag...you're it!

Responding verses Reacting

Daily, we are met with stories, be it our own or others, unfolding, shifting, changing, new stories just beginning to build on who we are and why we are here.

When you think about the stories in your own life, tell me, do you react to it or do you respond to it?

Responding to relationships, consequences, actions, the truth tellers in our world as well as the liars...this is empowering, allowing us to control how it will unfold and end realy, don't you think? Responding allows us to have the ability to take that breath, that step back and chew on how we really feel about the situation, what we really need to say or want to say. It's powerful and it is control,and ultimately, it will give us building blocks with which to grow from.

Reacting, on the other hand, is a complete lack of control. It denotes powerlessness over a situation and there is no way to know where it might lead. Reacting is taking a gamble. And something else as I ponder this today is a realization that when I react to any situation, I am ultimately being untrue to myself and any other person involved. When we do not take that opportunity to take that step back and chew on how we are feeling about a situation, words just tumble out, willie-nillie, exposing us as a fraud and oh so defensive. But is this truly who we are?

Does it not make sense to take that simple moment and just breathe before we open our mouths and speak? Does it not garner the respect of others when we are thoughtful, really listening to what the person is sharing with us, seeking clarification if need be first, before offering up our own thoughts or answers to any one situation? Are the stories not worth more than my simple ignorant reaction?

I am left pondering this today, yes, but also I am challenging myself and you, the reader, to consider my words and your own as you move forward into the many daily stories of our lives. I have the capacity and the willingness to listen and learn by what is offered up to me each day, even when I do not agree with it. I can still choose to grow by it, take it for what it is and do with it what I will. So do all of us.

Hmmmm, more to ponder on.

I just had another thought...if we as a collective whole, were to respond verses react to what is happening all around us and to us in our world today, try to imagine the implications of what it would mean for our futures and the future of the world? Simple steps still create footprints. I choose to leave a footprint others will want to step in not step around. So be it.

Trust vs Doubt

What is it about our lives that have us trapped by doubt?

A DOUBT is a structure that we place in our own life...perhaps we even built that structure into our life...and it holds us back, trapping us from TRUST.

An example of  DOUBT would be a fear of failure. We want to get a great grade on a paper, but we focus on what might happen if we do not get a great grade. We want to introduce ourselves to a new group of people sitting together during lunch, but are foccussed on what if they do not like you?

Living in TRUST is where the fear does not hold us back from moving forward with our lives. We want to get that great grade on that paper, and we trust that we are going to give it our very best and whatever will be will be. We have that desire to introduce ourselves to that new group of people sitting together at lunch and trust ourselves enough not to care what they think of you, but rather that you just want to meet them and let them know how great it is to do so.

It's like seeing the glass as Half Full vs Half Empty. We all know that term and can connect with that metaphor.

When we live in JUDGEMENT, it is easy to then doubt. It is full of unrest, uneasiness and we then live an anxious life. We make things so difficult for ourselves. Why is that?

But when we choose to live in trust, we are able to be free from unrest, and live a full and free life full of possibility and promise. Nothing can hold us back because we CHOOSE to be in the PRESENT.

I believe living in doubt is part of the trap of the past. And living in trust very much living in the present, very free.

So then...why do we choose to doubt vs trust? Ponder this as you come upon the many situations and daily life choices that come your way...and so I bid you a very trusting day. May it serve you well!

Powerful Perspectives...What Once Was Is No Longer

Recently, I’ve had to think about my perspectives in my life…how I view the things of this world and the circumstances in my life. I found this to be quite challenging and really had to think through what it meant to have a powerful perspective.

This evening, after reviewing my thoughts and notes, once again, this is what came to me.

About a year ago now, after some challenges hit me harder than usual, I came to an undersanding about myself.

I was a martyr. My perspective was one of a self defeatest, of needing to be the martyr, of self pity. My perspective was one of victimism.

I changed my perspective and it changed my life.

This again speaks to my musings on why it is that something urgent needs to happen before we action change in our lives. In my case, It took some huge life pillars and fear of having to make unwanted and uninvited choices in them for me to change. But here it is.

I no longer sweat the small stuff. I can look at something now for what it is and take it on with realism and a calm satisfaction that I’m doing the best I can - TODAY. I am no longer a self defeatest. I celebrate my accomplshments by looking at what I got done in the day and being glad I got those things done. I love on my own terms and lay myself out there openly and honestly with no apologies and no regrets.

I take alot less work home with me at night. I am putting back into me, investing time and attention into growing myself for me, not my job, not my husband, not even my ideals of others expectations. I’m investing in me for me. That is very powerful.

Oh, don’t be fooled. I still have my moments of self doubt and feeling a bit out of control with the juggling of all the balls out there, but over all, it’s all good. I want my day to focus on the good things, the positive things. I have less patience for negative thinkers and I am striving to get to being the hopeful dreamer I always was and know myself to really be.

Life is too short to not see the best of it and take the best from it. So my number one powerful perspective? I CHOOSE every day. Every thought I have, every decision in my behavior, every aspect of how I spend my time…I CHOOSE.

My second powerful perspective is HOPE. I see the hope in most everything.

And my third powerful perspective is FAITH. In myself, in my creator, in others, in the BELIEF that everything works out the way it’s meant to, that there is purpose in everything….

The result in this change of perspective, from Fear and Self Defeatest and Victim to one of Responsibility, hope and Faith?

FREEDOM!!! The biggest perspective of all! Anything is possible because I'm free!

So there you have it. My powerful perspectives in a nutshell. What are yours? And do they need to be looked at more closely? I invite you to do so and feel free to send me a line if you’d like a hand.

May it be a very powerfully positive perspective-making day for all!

Powerful Listening - More to what I initially mused on

This morning, I took the 2nd part of a Power listening class.
I have to say, I came away feeling much better about listening, because of one key word that resonated with me to my core.

EMPATHY

This happens to be a gift of mine. I empathize with others very well. I've had to over the years in serving people of all walks of life. My purpose as a manager and trainer has been in part, to teach others about how to deliver a customer experience so that when that person leaves at the end of it, they are impacted. And so must we be. I call it the WOW experience. I'm realizing more and more that the  WOW experience is kind of like the coaching dance.

I must ask open ended questions that create in the customer the ability to look deeper into themselves to answer what their needs are and why they have those needs. Then I summarize it back to them to ensure that I have not missed anything, to let the customer know too, that I really heard them, and to allow them the ability to add anything they feel they missed or need to add to the summary. This is building trust with the customer. Once we both feel satisfied that I know all the customer wants me to know at that time, I can them help to offer solutions and ultimately help them to make the final decision. A decision thy can be proud of making, because they came to that decision themselves!

Something important here is EMPATHY. All to often, the customer is not so sure of themselves, of what they really want or even why. My RESPONSIBILITY is to help them uncover what the real need is. Hmmmm, coaching. In my world, people come in with many hurts, questions of life, celebrations, grief, a desire to learn and more. Connection is an essential art of any personal interaction, be it with a stranger or a friend.

So, my AHA today, is that I can be a great power listener because I carry the most important element in any personal interaction. I care, I connect, and I empathize. I am indeed authentic and in carrying this intrinsic ability with me, it then goes hand in hand that I can learn to be an excellent listener and even more, learn to be still and quiet when it really counts. 

My summary...

1 - Care...have a deep desire to care for others and want the best for them always.

2 - Connect....really 'see' the person. Get out of your own head.     

3 - Be Authentic...if you are true to yourself,  in who you are, you can be true to others and they will see that in you and trust will come more naturally.  With trust comes openness. Boy we all need more of that, wouldn't you agree?

Here is to practice, practice. practice. May it give me more WOW moments than I could dream for. And may it do the same for you. Have an incredible WOW moment day!!