The Choice to Respond Where Most React

I had a conversation with my husband the other day on the topic of our human ability to react in moments where we need to respond.  There were 2 examples of this in our discussion. Let me share them with you and let me know if you've ever found yourself in the same or similar situation.

Have you ever been on the road driving home from work or headed somewhere and notice that someone is weaving in and out of traffic behind you, cutting off other drivers like an idiot and headed your way? Have you ever sped up to ensure he cannot do the same to you and even found yourself suddenly in battle for the same space on the road? Notice, you are now incensed, angry, edgy, in a fight on the road with a person you don't even know, all to make a point that HE is in the wrong? I'll let you imagine how that all turns out, but consider, how is your own behavior in this situation any different than his in this moment?

Recently, I've been a part of a very large group of people all debating over a name change. One person made the decision to change the name and in the same breath, many people all came at the decision, emotions at the forefront, in disbelief, anger, desperation, rebellion and yes, even respect. In those moments, all that came from this reactionary state was more debate, sparks more anger on issues just outside of the main issue at steak here and results became muddled.

Where am I going with this? I'm wondering, at what point do we need to just step back and let something sit for a bit with us so that we can make a CHOICE on how we move forward? For the person who is allowing the driver to take over the road and cause potential danger to everyone around him, choosing instead to simply ensure he is being a safe driver and getting out of the idiot drivers way...is he being ignorant and tolerant of the issue, or is he actually choosing to respond in a mature way, recognizing that on the road, there is very little he can do to change thie situation as it is except to be a better example? For the name change debate, is the person who is standing on the sidelines, taking it all in, watching the back and forth of ideas, concerns and critisisms and making the choice to come to their own understanding without throwing their hat into the debate...are they somehow at wrong here, or are they actually waiting to respond by first hearing what others have to say, letting it all be taken into consideration until their own conclusion has been decided on and they can then weigh in, calmly and wisely?

I wonder sometimes if we too often in our lives these days, place ourselves in a mode of reaction. Life is moving fast, we're all going some place, have to get something done, be something to someone else and the simple pace life used to be lived at, let's face it, these days is frenetic at best. I find it interesting that as life has gotten faster, our needs have become unfillable, we've become untrusting, the expectations countless, and we go go go, that our integrity, our respect for one another and relationship as a community has dwindled so that even when we encounter a person who is open, trusting and caring, we look at them as if we are unsure of who they are and what they really want. Wow, just reading that very long run on sentence makes me sad.

I'm musing on these thoughts today and wanted to share them with you. I think that by taking time to stop and think and let a situation show itself to us as we take it in, we can then make the choice to respond or react, verses no choice at all and just go in, all guns blazing and not even really understand why we are reacting in the first place. And that if we become collectively, a group of individuals that think first, act later, that we will find once again, those parts in us that are more needed now than ever - more trusting, respectful, great listeners, the great debators ( a great debator can see and understand both sides clearly before choosing their place) and ultimately, better peace makers.

As always, I would really appreciate your feedback on this one. It's a debate in and of itself, but be sure to first read it again, let it permeate a bit, consider both sides, before you send me your response. And I will look forward to hearing them.

The Reflection Looking Back at You

I apologize for the lateness of this entry. As the time is drawing closer for my upcoming women's motivational workshop, I am amazed where the time goes, lost in the doing of so many details, ensuring that everything will be just so for this day.

Do you ever find that sometimes we can get so lost in the doing, that we forget to stop and breathe, forget to trace our steps, find a measurement, remember the reasons for our doing in the first place until we get to a point all at once where we feel lost and uncertain as to the next step?

I think sometimes we as women do too much. While we are totally capable, what limits should be in place to ensure that we are remembering to build into ourselves while at the same time building into the lives of others? Ask yourself, why is it that I feel that my life, my needs, my hopes and dreams are less important than others?

In discussing this lately with a few friends and business colleagues, I found that so many of us had the same belief - that it's somehow wrong to focus on ourselves and go after the things we want for this life. But none of us can answer where that started, why it permeates our society as a whole and why so few of us make a move to change this even when we know it is doing a disservice to ourselves. To be clear, what I'm saying is that we KNOW we are not living the life we want, but CHOOSE to do nothing to change it because we somehow believe it would be wrong. Wow.

What does it likely come down to? What it always comes down to, though we dare not speak it - FEAR.

We're afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of what going after our own hopes, dreams, desires and needs will do to the fragile state that is our lives. We're afraid of failing, afraid of I told you so's, afraid even of BELIEVING that we could be happier and more content because then, what would that mean?

Psychiatrist Anna Fels from Cornell University did a study on the role of ambition in women's lives and found that the women she interviewed hated the very word 'ambition'. For them, it necessarily implied egotism, selfishness, self-aggrandizement, or the minipulitive use of others for one's own end. None of them would admit to being ambitious. Instead, the constant refrain was, 'It's the work, not me". Oh yea...this stinks of fear. As you read this...how does it makes you feel? Are you one of these women? And if not, what is different for you?

It might not be the word ambition for you. It might be the word DREAM - you have responsibilities now, you don't have time to dream, right? Dreams are for children. It might be the word PURPOSE - you have a family, your purpose has been fulfilled, right? If you are searching for purpose, it might mean that you are somehow ungrateful or unhappy with your family, your life, your love? What form is the fear taking for you that is holding you back from looking directly into the mirror and truly seeing a reflection of you looking back.

This is what I am inviting you to do today. Simply consider those things I've mentioned today for yourself, your life. Then walk up to the mirror, look yourself up and down and tell me...what do you see? Are you happy? Content? Do I dare mention, do you even have joy in your life? When was the last time you did something just for you? I want to challenge you to remember it's not about ALL or NOTHING. We think this way a lot. I want to challenge you to find something in between that has you leaning towards the halfway point, the compromise, the leaning towards the all area. Because the truth is, it has to start with you. At some point, when you've no longer got anything left to give to you, you will have nothing real to give to others and the person looking back at you will be a shell of a person, holding the many faces she wears day in and out for others safely tucked into her back pocket, ready to be pulled out as needed throughout each and every day. I for one am exhausted just thinking of that. I for one want to search and ponder and challenge myself to work on me, in me and give to others the me that I was made to be. Authentic and beautiful and daring others to do the same. Why? At the end of the day, it's all the same. Hope in a hopeless world. I hope for me and today and every day after, I am hoping for you.

I hope this musing today finds you well and keep you pondering and working towards becoming authentically you. See you soon.

Inspiration - Just A Breath Away

These days, I'm musing on the power of inspiration in our day to day lives.

Inspiration literally means "breathed upon". When you consider this meaning, what comes to mind for you? For me, I can't help but think of the idea of oxygen...an infusion of pure oxygen, energizing me, opening my mind and boosting my motivation. It is human fuel.

When was the last time you were left feeling inspired by something you experienced, or shared with another person? When was the last time that you had the kind of idea or spark that created energy, motivation, life, excitement to build and grow and live your life afresh? When was the last time you felt so inspired that you were actually excited to face your future, your purpose clear?

These days, inspiration is a fuel that we are desperate for in a time of uncertainty. As a society, our attention and energy are draining as we focus on things out of our control - our economy, our health, our jobs, our climate, our society...

Inspiration has the power to take those things out of our control and push them to the background. It has the power to put a smile on our face, make us love easier and more freely, put music in our souls as we face each moment in the day and allow the space to allow our intuition and trust to guide our movements and our decisions as we LIVE our lives.

Where is your inspiration hidden? Is it in your hands each day? Do you utilize it, master it, is it a part of you? Or have you forgotten about it altogether? Has your ability to be inspired become nothing more than a romantic ideal?

I want to challenge you today to seek out your inspiration and allow it to breathe new life into you.By this simple conscious action, you choose to take a step forward in being present in your life today and every day after. And not only does your inspiration spark new life into you, but it flows outward, touching everyone around you because the truth is, there is no greater contagion than inspiration.

Be inspired and you will inspire others. Find your inspiration and you will hold the key to moving in the direction of your goals, your dreams and ultimate peace.

Be inspired. Just breathe...

As always, your comments and concerns mean so much. Feel free to share. It inspires me.

Procrastination

Edward Young, Night Thoughts on Life, Death and Immortality I, 1, 393

Procrastination is the thief of time.

There is a belief that procrastination is like laziness. That through a lack of effort and will, a person chooses to sit back and watch time pass, offering a varied excuse list of why our goals are not being met, our dreams not much more than a foggy idea.

Wikipedia actually describes procrastination with much more clarity. It states,

Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. ^[1] Psychology researchers also have three criteria they use to categorize procrastination. For a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.^[2]

For an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and the disapproval of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.

When reading this description, what goes through your mind? Do lights suddenly come on for you?Think...what is it in your life that you are avoiding? I've been pondering the possibility that procrastination is, as well what is described above, a cause and reaction from one basic, real and fierce emotion - FEAR.

Fear has the ability to limit us, hold us back, pinning us beneath the veil of uncertainty, confusion, busyness, and anxiousness, all the while making us feel as if we are accomplishing nothing, so we're left deflated, demotivated, stressed and ultimately, feeling like we are failing.

Could it be that our fear is manifesting itself in the disguise of procrastination in order to AVOID the fear? What came first, the fear or the procrastination?

I'm thinking that if we consider those things that might be creating fear in our life, face them, challenge them and create new perspectives around them, suddenly procrastination will not be at play in our lives. Fear creating items might include...

- Fear of Failure

- Fear of Change

- Fear of the Unknown

- Fear of being Invisible

- Fear of Making the Wrong Decision for our Lives

Does any one of these resonate with you? No wonder we want to avoid dealing with these things and more. But consider the supports you can draw from to face the fear. Having a coach in your life can help you to reframe your perspective, create realistic goals that you can be proud of and set yourself on a path of action that will blow your fears out of the water.

I'd love to get your thoughts on procrastination and how you feel fear might play a role in it. Feel free to email me and if you are interested in delving into your personal challenge around procrastination, I'd love to offer you a free discovery session to help you make real change for the better. It starts with you. It can start today. How does the saying go? "Face the fear and do it anyways". Sounds good to me!

Who Am I ?

Ah, the big question...Who am I?

Today, I am having to think through who I am...not what I do, but what makes me who I am that I do what I do the way I do?

Have I lost you yet?

Ok, stay with me here....Here's what I'm musing on today...

When was the last time you didn't raise an eyebrow or make an offhand comment to your friend when someone just tells you that they are wonderful..that they have worked really hard and are really proud of themselves for something they accomplished, or for liking their new haircut, or for losing some weight? How many of us would react the same way if someone said, "You know, I really think I'm a great listener, and I really love to help people." Or, "Hey, I feel I have all kinds of gifts and strengths and I feel like I'm a good person."  Not likely you would hear someone say that. Even more likely is that there are not a whole lot of people out there who really believe that about themselves. Why is that?

Now think about the last time you encouraged someone in your world. When was the last time you held the mirror up to someone and showed them how special they are? Was it recently? If so, when was the last time you did it before this recent experience? Do you do it on a regular basis? Do you encourage others becuase it's your job or because you just like to do it? When was the last time you encouraged a stranger? Perhaps in a retail store and you see them on their own looking somewhat unsure if they can pull of what they have on? Have you ever been there and wanted to say something to let them know they look great, but you don't because you just don't know them and it wouldn't be appropriate?

I'm musing on the idea that I don't think alot of people know who they are because we, as a human race, do not really invite or encourage that kind of knowing. What do we exist for? Because if you think about it, we seem to be walking around this world trying to please everyone else by being something we are not, not ruffling feathers, not really challenging one another and for certain, not encouraging one another!  What do you think so far?

Ok, now here's the thing...I find myself, that if someone does encourage us, we do not take it seriously, we do not know what to do with it and we tend to pass it off...dismiss it, ignore it, make a comment over it, say thank you even, but we do not really take it seriously. Wow...this is really sad to me.

So this is my musing today and I just wanted to lay it out there, and as I think about who I am and what I offer because of who I am, I invite you to do the same. And if you didn't already guess it, yes, I'm asking you also to consider encouraging someone today. This inspires hope. And really, if we do it enough, perhaps at some point, we might even begin to believe it! And then who knows what could happen! Be an encouragement to others. Believe in yourself and who you are and what you have to offer to those around you. You are here with a purpose. Let's lift one another up. And in doing so, it's a bonus really, because you'll be lifted up in the process.