The Reflection Looking Back at You

I apologize for the lateness of this entry. As the time is drawing closer for my upcoming women's motivational workshop, I am amazed where the time goes, lost in the doing of so many details, ensuring that everything will be just so for this day.

Do you ever find that sometimes we can get so lost in the doing, that we forget to stop and breathe, forget to trace our steps, find a measurement, remember the reasons for our doing in the first place until we get to a point all at once where we feel lost and uncertain as to the next step?

I think sometimes we as women do too much. While we are totally capable, what limits should be in place to ensure that we are remembering to build into ourselves while at the same time building into the lives of others? Ask yourself, why is it that I feel that my life, my needs, my hopes and dreams are less important than others?

In discussing this lately with a few friends and business colleagues, I found that so many of us had the same belief - that it's somehow wrong to focus on ourselves and go after the things we want for this life. But none of us can answer where that started, why it permeates our society as a whole and why so few of us make a move to change this even when we know it is doing a disservice to ourselves. To be clear, what I'm saying is that we KNOW we are not living the life we want, but CHOOSE to do nothing to change it because we somehow believe it would be wrong. Wow.

What does it likely come down to? What it always comes down to, though we dare not speak it - FEAR.

We're afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of what going after our own hopes, dreams, desires and needs will do to the fragile state that is our lives. We're afraid of failing, afraid of I told you so's, afraid even of BELIEVING that we could be happier and more content because then, what would that mean?

Psychiatrist Anna Fels from Cornell University did a study on the role of ambition in women's lives and found that the women she interviewed hated the very word 'ambition'. For them, it necessarily implied egotism, selfishness, self-aggrandizement, or the minipulitive use of others for one's own end. None of them would admit to being ambitious. Instead, the constant refrain was, 'It's the work, not me". Oh yea...this stinks of fear. As you read this...how does it makes you feel? Are you one of these women? And if not, what is different for you?

It might not be the word ambition for you. It might be the word DREAM - you have responsibilities now, you don't have time to dream, right? Dreams are for children. It might be the word PURPOSE - you have a family, your purpose has been fulfilled, right? If you are searching for purpose, it might mean that you are somehow ungrateful or unhappy with your family, your life, your love? What form is the fear taking for you that is holding you back from looking directly into the mirror and truly seeing a reflection of you looking back.

This is what I am inviting you to do today. Simply consider those things I've mentioned today for yourself, your life. Then walk up to the mirror, look yourself up and down and tell me...what do you see? Are you happy? Content? Do I dare mention, do you even have joy in your life? When was the last time you did something just for you? I want to challenge you to remember it's not about ALL or NOTHING. We think this way a lot. I want to challenge you to find something in between that has you leaning towards the halfway point, the compromise, the leaning towards the all area. Because the truth is, it has to start with you. At some point, when you've no longer got anything left to give to you, you will have nothing real to give to others and the person looking back at you will be a shell of a person, holding the many faces she wears day in and out for others safely tucked into her back pocket, ready to be pulled out as needed throughout each and every day. I for one am exhausted just thinking of that. I for one want to search and ponder and challenge myself to work on me, in me and give to others the me that I was made to be. Authentic and beautiful and daring others to do the same. Why? At the end of the day, it's all the same. Hope in a hopeless world. I hope for me and today and every day after, I am hoping for you.

I hope this musing today finds you well and keep you pondering and working towards becoming authentically you. See you soon.