Purpose...Don't Believe the Hype

There has been much musing lately but not much in the way of writing them down here, so my apologies right off the bat for my lateness in sharing with you.

It seems though that today I’m musing on this idea of purpose and I just had to share I with you.

What do we derive our purpose from? I’m thinking this through as I am wondering what drives us each and every day to get up out of bed and be happy. If you have no sense of purpose...can you be happy? I’ve spoken on happiness before, this idea that we choose happiness; make our own happiness as it is. Happiness does not just come to us, does not just exist in our life because our life seems to make sense at some points (and let’s not get started on that topic!) We choose...and so, what do we make then of the idea that we also choose purpose each and every day. That there is no magic fairy that sprinkles purpose on some and leaves the rest, the Universe did not derive some sick sense of pleasure by missing you on the purpose-giving handout. God does not give purpose to some and not to others. We choose.

Each of us has this innate feeling inside of us, a need if you will, to know that we have some kind of purpose for living on this earth. Some, many would say, go on a mission to understand their purpose in this life and work hard at trying to achieve that purpose, that goal that leaves a person feeling like they have accomplished something and so their life has meaning after all! Do you know what I mean here? Or perhaps at this point I am just rambling on...you get the point, right?

So here’s what’s kicking around in me...Where do we derive our purpose from?

I’m wondering if in all of the hype around purpose, at the end of the day, most derive their purpose from what they know and trust best - What they do each and every day.

For most, it is their job or ‘career’. They get up out of bed already turning over in their minds what they have to do when they get to work. It’s important after all, and hey, there is a pay check at the end of all that ‘purpose’.

For some it is their children. They live to grow these small wondrous beings into people who will make a difference in the world, deriving their sense in purpose in the hope they are getting ‘it’ right, but always with this fear of screwing up.

For others still, it is sense of trying to figure out how to change the world into a happier, safer, greener, starvation free, hatred free, altogether-as-one loving world...

I can’t help but wonder...what if you aren’t any of those I’ve just listed or ant of those I haven’t?

What if you are just an individual who likes their job just fine, is a god and decent person working to get through the day, never mind have tomorrow all figured out. Where should, would, could you derive your purpose from? 

Is purpose simply a part of who you are or is it what you do?

And if I was to ask you to tell me who you are...could you tell me?

 As always, I will leave you musing on this along with me...and as always, your thoughts and comments are welcome and necessary. J Let’s get this one figured out, have a bit of debate and see what comes up. 

Purpose is defined in the dictionary as “The object toward which one strives or for which something exists; an aim or a goal”

 “And ever those, who would enjoyment gain/Must find it in the purpose they pursue” (Sarah Josepha Hale).

Our Inspiration Lies In Our Strengths

 What causes us to lose the child-like imagination we are born with?

I'm musing on this today as I consider the ramifications of this sad truth. That as we grow in age, we diminish in imagination and the ability to clearly see who we are in such a way that we play to, utilize and live by our strengths and our inspiration.

Think back to being a 6 year old…Life is amazing! You wake up excited to meet each new day. Life is full of discovery and it's just waiting for you to meet it head on. Friendships mean everything to you. Happiness is yours, as you have no idea what the 'opposite' is. You are beginning to awaken to your abilities, the things that make you who you are as a unique kid…You want to be a star, you want to fly to the moon, you want to put out fires, you want to save the world, and there is no safer place than in your parents arms. Your daily goals include catching frogs, riding a bike, seeing how many licks it takes to finish a double chocolate ice cream cone, and building a fort with your best friend. Questions abound, about life, about god, about the universe, the family next door and why or why is the grass green and not purple? Life is…life is.

What happens along the way that in a span of a decade or even two, this amazing, hopeful person full of dreams, laughter, passion and discovery, belief and all those motivational words we today post on our walls, books and tattoo onto our bodies - what happens to them? What happened to us?

An even more important question….if by challenging ourselves to answer this question, can we find a way back there?

Marcus Buckingham, author and speaker, tells us that we are told that 'as you grow, you change'. He believes that this is a myth. That the truth is," that as you grow, you don't change your personality. As you grow, you become more and more of who you are.". Who we are is there from the time we are born and that same childlike wonder lies dormant in us, just waiting to be awakened, discovered and reignited.

If I was to ask you if you know who you are…what responds inside of you as you read this question?

If I was to ask you what your strengths were, what would show up for you?

And if I was to ask you if you are playing to your strengths…what answer comes through for you?

What percentage of your day is spent playing to your strengths?

If you can believe it, after thousands of people were asked by Buckingham, his research showed that a mere 2 out of 10 said they were playing to their strengths each day. 2 out of 10…

While the responsibilities are ever towering over you for the reasons why you can't afford to live and play to your strengths, I have got to ask the question…Can you afford NOT to? Take a look at the people just in the world around you that you know of, living on anti depressants, highly stressed, unhappy, divorced, angry, miserable, chameleons, fearful, hiding, broken, distrustful, resentful, dispassionate, full of excuses, hiding in the shadows of their frail lives.

Have I touched a chord? Does this resonate with you? Does it even describe you here or there?

So what can we do to change this?

By beginning to look at what is at the core of who you are, who you were made to be, the things that made you grin and get excited about as a child now as you think about them make you grin and get excited about…start here. Get into a space and allow yourself to go there. Write it down, in no particular order and don't think too hard. Just let go and put it down on paper.

Now, consider your strengths…do you know what your strengths are?

In my next installment, we will look at uncovering your strengths and together, will discover how you can play to your strengths and life your life more fulfilled and alive than you've been since you were a child. Ready for the ride? I know I am.

Till next time...

The Choice to Respond Where Most React

I had a conversation with my husband the other day on the topic of our human ability to react in moments where we need to respond.  There were 2 examples of this in our discussion. Let me share them with you and let me know if you've ever found yourself in the same or similar situation.

Have you ever been on the road driving home from work or headed somewhere and notice that someone is weaving in and out of traffic behind you, cutting off other drivers like an idiot and headed your way? Have you ever sped up to ensure he cannot do the same to you and even found yourself suddenly in battle for the same space on the road? Notice, you are now incensed, angry, edgy, in a fight on the road with a person you don't even know, all to make a point that HE is in the wrong? I'll let you imagine how that all turns out, but consider, how is your own behavior in this situation any different than his in this moment?

Recently, I've been a part of a very large group of people all debating over a name change. One person made the decision to change the name and in the same breath, many people all came at the decision, emotions at the forefront, in disbelief, anger, desperation, rebellion and yes, even respect. In those moments, all that came from this reactionary state was more debate, sparks more anger on issues just outside of the main issue at steak here and results became muddled.

Where am I going with this? I'm wondering, at what point do we need to just step back and let something sit for a bit with us so that we can make a CHOICE on how we move forward? For the person who is allowing the driver to take over the road and cause potential danger to everyone around him, choosing instead to simply ensure he is being a safe driver and getting out of the idiot drivers way...is he being ignorant and tolerant of the issue, or is he actually choosing to respond in a mature way, recognizing that on the road, there is very little he can do to change thie situation as it is except to be a better example? For the name change debate, is the person who is standing on the sidelines, taking it all in, watching the back and forth of ideas, concerns and critisisms and making the choice to come to their own understanding without throwing their hat into the debate...are they somehow at wrong here, or are they actually waiting to respond by first hearing what others have to say, letting it all be taken into consideration until their own conclusion has been decided on and they can then weigh in, calmly and wisely?

I wonder sometimes if we too often in our lives these days, place ourselves in a mode of reaction. Life is moving fast, we're all going some place, have to get something done, be something to someone else and the simple pace life used to be lived at, let's face it, these days is frenetic at best. I find it interesting that as life has gotten faster, our needs have become unfillable, we've become untrusting, the expectations countless, and we go go go, that our integrity, our respect for one another and relationship as a community has dwindled so that even when we encounter a person who is open, trusting and caring, we look at them as if we are unsure of who they are and what they really want. Wow, just reading that very long run on sentence makes me sad.

I'm musing on these thoughts today and wanted to share them with you. I think that by taking time to stop and think and let a situation show itself to us as we take it in, we can then make the choice to respond or react, verses no choice at all and just go in, all guns blazing and not even really understand why we are reacting in the first place. And that if we become collectively, a group of individuals that think first, act later, that we will find once again, those parts in us that are more needed now than ever - more trusting, respectful, great listeners, the great debators ( a great debator can see and understand both sides clearly before choosing their place) and ultimately, better peace makers.

As always, I would really appreciate your feedback on this one. It's a debate in and of itself, but be sure to first read it again, let it permeate a bit, consider both sides, before you send me your response. And I will look forward to hearing them.

The Reflection Looking Back at You

I apologize for the lateness of this entry. As the time is drawing closer for my upcoming women's motivational workshop, I am amazed where the time goes, lost in the doing of so many details, ensuring that everything will be just so for this day.

Do you ever find that sometimes we can get so lost in the doing, that we forget to stop and breathe, forget to trace our steps, find a measurement, remember the reasons for our doing in the first place until we get to a point all at once where we feel lost and uncertain as to the next step?

I think sometimes we as women do too much. While we are totally capable, what limits should be in place to ensure that we are remembering to build into ourselves while at the same time building into the lives of others? Ask yourself, why is it that I feel that my life, my needs, my hopes and dreams are less important than others?

In discussing this lately with a few friends and business colleagues, I found that so many of us had the same belief - that it's somehow wrong to focus on ourselves and go after the things we want for this life. But none of us can answer where that started, why it permeates our society as a whole and why so few of us make a move to change this even when we know it is doing a disservice to ourselves. To be clear, what I'm saying is that we KNOW we are not living the life we want, but CHOOSE to do nothing to change it because we somehow believe it would be wrong. Wow.

What does it likely come down to? What it always comes down to, though we dare not speak it - FEAR.

We're afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of what going after our own hopes, dreams, desires and needs will do to the fragile state that is our lives. We're afraid of failing, afraid of I told you so's, afraid even of BELIEVING that we could be happier and more content because then, what would that mean?

Psychiatrist Anna Fels from Cornell University did a study on the role of ambition in women's lives and found that the women she interviewed hated the very word 'ambition'. For them, it necessarily implied egotism, selfishness, self-aggrandizement, or the minipulitive use of others for one's own end. None of them would admit to being ambitious. Instead, the constant refrain was, 'It's the work, not me". Oh yea...this stinks of fear. As you read this...how does it makes you feel? Are you one of these women? And if not, what is different for you?

It might not be the word ambition for you. It might be the word DREAM - you have responsibilities now, you don't have time to dream, right? Dreams are for children. It might be the word PURPOSE - you have a family, your purpose has been fulfilled, right? If you are searching for purpose, it might mean that you are somehow ungrateful or unhappy with your family, your life, your love? What form is the fear taking for you that is holding you back from looking directly into the mirror and truly seeing a reflection of you looking back.

This is what I am inviting you to do today. Simply consider those things I've mentioned today for yourself, your life. Then walk up to the mirror, look yourself up and down and tell me...what do you see? Are you happy? Content? Do I dare mention, do you even have joy in your life? When was the last time you did something just for you? I want to challenge you to remember it's not about ALL or NOTHING. We think this way a lot. I want to challenge you to find something in between that has you leaning towards the halfway point, the compromise, the leaning towards the all area. Because the truth is, it has to start with you. At some point, when you've no longer got anything left to give to you, you will have nothing real to give to others and the person looking back at you will be a shell of a person, holding the many faces she wears day in and out for others safely tucked into her back pocket, ready to be pulled out as needed throughout each and every day. I for one am exhausted just thinking of that. I for one want to search and ponder and challenge myself to work on me, in me and give to others the me that I was made to be. Authentic and beautiful and daring others to do the same. Why? At the end of the day, it's all the same. Hope in a hopeless world. I hope for me and today and every day after, I am hoping for you.

I hope this musing today finds you well and keep you pondering and working towards becoming authentically you. See you soon.

Inspiration - Just A Breath Away

These days, I'm musing on the power of inspiration in our day to day lives.

Inspiration literally means "breathed upon". When you consider this meaning, what comes to mind for you? For me, I can't help but think of the idea of oxygen...an infusion of pure oxygen, energizing me, opening my mind and boosting my motivation. It is human fuel.

When was the last time you were left feeling inspired by something you experienced, or shared with another person? When was the last time that you had the kind of idea or spark that created energy, motivation, life, excitement to build and grow and live your life afresh? When was the last time you felt so inspired that you were actually excited to face your future, your purpose clear?

These days, inspiration is a fuel that we are desperate for in a time of uncertainty. As a society, our attention and energy are draining as we focus on things out of our control - our economy, our health, our jobs, our climate, our society...

Inspiration has the power to take those things out of our control and push them to the background. It has the power to put a smile on our face, make us love easier and more freely, put music in our souls as we face each moment in the day and allow the space to allow our intuition and trust to guide our movements and our decisions as we LIVE our lives.

Where is your inspiration hidden? Is it in your hands each day? Do you utilize it, master it, is it a part of you? Or have you forgotten about it altogether? Has your ability to be inspired become nothing more than a romantic ideal?

I want to challenge you today to seek out your inspiration and allow it to breathe new life into you.By this simple conscious action, you choose to take a step forward in being present in your life today and every day after. And not only does your inspiration spark new life into you, but it flows outward, touching everyone around you because the truth is, there is no greater contagion than inspiration.

Be inspired and you will inspire others. Find your inspiration and you will hold the key to moving in the direction of your goals, your dreams and ultimate peace.

Be inspired. Just breathe...

As always, your comments and concerns mean so much. Feel free to share. It inspires me.